I’m in need of time and luck

I had an exam a few hours ago. Worst exam ever. Most people there agreed it made no sense. Super complicated. Impossible. Last time, in January, I just needed 0.3 points more to pass this subject, so if I was already annoyed because of that now I’m really really furious. 

Besides, this subject is from a branch of mathematics that I dislike, so I really want to pass in order not to see it ever again. This is so frustrating.

And what’s more, I have my next exam tomorrow morning, which I haven’t really prepared because I was preparing today’s exam. It seems I’m not going to sleep too much tonight… 

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I need luck

I know all my posts are about my finals lately, but… it’s just because that’s the only thing that is in my mind. I hope it wasn’t.

So I’ve already taken two exams and I already know that I’ve passed one of them. It’s barely passed but passed, and that’s what matter. I’m feeling positive about the other one, but with some of my professors you never know so I don’t want to have my expectations too high.

Anyways, I still have FIVE exams left. I’m really sick of studying but it’s not like I had another option… I’m trying not to let this overwhelm me, but some subjects are just impossible to get inside my head.

Once this week is over, the worst part will have ended though, but I don’t know how I’ll survive until the Friday… Wish me luck! (And I wish you luck if you also have exams these days, or even if you don’t have exams, good luck in general to everyone!)

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Today, I’ve actually driven

There are three days left before my first exam and I’m think I should be panicking or something but instead I’m just playing Candy Crush. I’m so damn tired. When I look at my notes I’m like “yeah, I don’t understand this, who cares, I just want to go to sleep”. I mean, I’m studying, but not as hard as I was studying last week.

Today, I’ve driven a lot in my driving lesson. The days before I was just practicing how to start the car and to change the gears and that kind of basic stuff, but today I’ve actually driven, on a road, speeding up (I had never driven faster than 30 km/h before today). I really enjoyed it, mainly because it didn’t involved maths and I would have enjoyed anything that has nothing to do with maths but also because it was great.

Don’t get me wrong, I like maths, but I’m fed up of studying.

By the way, I got a notification saying that this blog reached the 100 likes, so thank you very much for liking what I write, even though most of the time I’m just complaining! Seriously, I’m very thankful.

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Studying is killing me

I have seven second-chance exams in the upcoming weeks (I start June 20th and finish July 8th). This means I passed 3 out of 5 exams this semester, which is way better than how I did the previous one (1 out of 6 because reasons). I even have B’s, yes, in plural, I’m f*cking proud of myself.

Well, let me explain because the system of my university is a bit messy. There are two semesters per course, finals are done at the end of each semester but if you fail any of your finals, you have a second-chance exam at the end of the course. I don’t like this because it’s been over half a year since I had a lesson of the subjects I failed in the first semester, but less than a month since I took the finals I failed in the second semester.

Me complaining about university. Yeah, that never happens in this blog.

I don’t really think anyone cares about the dates, so… let’s just say that I’m screwed. Damn it, if only I had done it better in the first semester… I’m torturing myself with this kind of thoughts instead of actually studying. Have I ever mentioned that I’m the worst role model ever? Because I am.

Anyways, I’m learning to drive. Yes, I’m 20 and I don’t have a driving license yet. Well, in Spain you have to be 18 to take the exam, and most people take the exam the summer before starting university but I was born in September so I was 17 at that time, and the two summers I would have time to learn and take the exam… well, I didn’t feel like it because, why would I get a driving license if I wasn’t going to drive? But I felt like it was about damn time I get it and it kind of relax me that hour in which I had to focus on something that ain’t studying mathematics.

So that’s all I’m doing lately. I just want to finish my exams so I can get my life back. Good luck to everyone who also has exams these days!

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I’ve finished my finals!

So, as the title claims, I’ve done all my exams (five) and I already know that I’ve passed two of them. I’m so glad! Now I’m studying for my second-chance exams, I failed a lot of subjects last semester so… But I kind of understand better last semester stuff, so I hope to pass if not every exam, almost. I don’t know, I’m feeling possitive about it.

I got the “bussiness practices” I talked about in one of my previous posts, what’s more, I got the ones I wanted. Life’s smiling at me lately, I wish it lasts.

I don’t know what else to post about, studying is all I do… But at least I’ve updated the blog. I’d like to write more than a post per month, you know…

 

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Long as hell post which is just me ranting about life

I’m writting this post because I just want to say something and this may be the only way I have to speak my mind. The structure is going to be crappy, I apologise for that, and there’ll probably be grammar and spelling mistakes. Sorry.

I’m tired. I’m tired of everything. Of studying. Of worrying. Of myself. I’m tired.

I don’t know what I want to do. Sometimes I found myself thinking “I feel like doing (…)” and instead of doing it I just keep thinking of that. Yes, I’m that stupid.

I sometimes think about the old me, you know, the 12-16 year-old me, that girl who wasn’t that great but at least knew what she was doing. She had no fucking idea of what she was going to do in a couple of years time but she understood the present. I miss so much that.

Right now, I’m sitting in my desk, with my feet on the bed and my laptop on my legs instead on the table because I’m that stupid. Ecen though I know that if I keep this posture for too long my legs will start feeling numb and if I try to stand up it’ll hurt. That stupid am I.

Yeah, I haven’t been feeling happy with myself lately.

I’m getting better at being sociable. Let me explain, for a long period of time I’ve been having trouble surrounded by people, talking to them, even about the weather, but now I’m just “who cares, if they think I’m an idiot good for them”. I used to get really anxious wondering if I had said something wrong, it literally kept me awake at night.

So, here’s my question: is this social improvement due to my grades decrease? (Is it okay to use “decrease” with “grades”??) I don’t know. My grades used to worry me. I used to be an almost-straight-A kind of girl. I was good at studying. Damn it. Now I’m an almost-straight-F student. Now being the last two years.

That’s what keeps bugging me. The first year of university I kept being a good student, I had really good grades. But then second year came around and screw me up. I don’t know what the hell happened to me.

Other thing that bugs me is that I’m good at this shit. This shit being what I study which is maths. I get the explanations, the demonstrations, whatever, really fast in class. The problem is studying. I just suck at it.

I know, everybody hates studying. But this blog is about me, my self-centered self.

The idea of having to memorise a lot of stuff I don’t care about is just so frustrating. I didn’t finish High School, take my exams and everything to end up studying all that stuff. There are some things I like, even enjoy studying, but knowing that I also have to study shitty stuff keeps my mood down.

And then, finals came, stress came, self-hatred came, regret came. So here I am. Ranting. Rambling.

So in order to keep my mind in order (order order order) I decided to delete my Twitter account. Not the one linked to this blog (do I have any followers there?), my personal account. It feels so releasing and so sad at the same time. I opened it in 2012, good old times. I tweeted so much rubbish but also so many good tweets. I don’t know. It feels weird. Whatever. Social networks are so great and suck so much…

Well, if someone has read until here, thank you. Really. Thanks. I really appreciate it.

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What’s wrong with me?

Seriously, I don’t get it. I’ve spent the whole afternoon and evening without doing a single productive thing. I’ve wandered around my apartment (which isn’t big enough to wander in it) and lied in bed looking at my cell, watching YouTube videos I’d already watched.

I should have been studying but… It’s just that I look at the pile of notes on my desk and I feel so… frustrated. Agh. Finals are so damn close and I keep on procrastinating. But I’m trying really hard to stop this kind of behaviour, so I have (I have to have) a little faith in myself.

I’ll finish university or university will finish me.

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What I’ve been doing lately

I’ve found out that Kpop music helps me a lot while studying and doing homework —well, I don’t have actual homework, it’s just that professors give us exercises and we can do them, or not, our choice, we don’t have to hand them in or anything—, I don’t speak korean nor understand it, but this music genre has this cheer vibe that really really helps me.

Other than that, I’ve become a student representative in my faculty, so now I have to go to some meetings and it’s kind of interesting. It’s not a big deal, actually, there are very few thing students representatives can do besides complaining. I mean, we can’t really get things done, just ask for them and wait for someone to pay attention to us… Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn’t.

Keeping on the university stuff, I’m looking foward to doing “business practices”, I don’t know how it’s called in English… it’s like being an intern, maybe? Sorry, different languages and different education system, so… Whatever, if I can do them (there are very few spots so it depends on my expedient and the other people who ask them’s expedient), I’ll be doing mathematical stuff for a month —August. I really want it.

I’m kind of planing my life for the next year, and I’m seeing that it ain’t going to be as bad as I feared. Is this being a positive person? I’m not sure, but at least I’m not down in the dumps.

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So…

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything… I don’t know what to write, really. All I do with my life is boring university-related stuff. I’ve quitted watching series, reading and if I had any other hobby, I would have quitted it too. My results were so bad last semester that I felt that I had to kind of punish myself, and that’s what I’m doing.

So… I don’t do anything interesting at all. I study and complain about it, that’s all. When I’m not doing either of those things I’m sleeping, eating or looking at the ceiling. Seriously, that’s all I do. Well, sometimes I talk to people… but it’s incredible how f*cking boring my life has turned out. It wasn’t that interesting before, but now… Whoa, I had never thought I could reach these levels of boringness.

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Exams suck

I’m trying to keep myself together, I really am, but I can’t. I’m so bad at taking exams. I think I don’t know how to study properly. I’ve spent tons of hours studying – yes, I could have studied more but, hey, I want to enjoy life a little bit – and I’ve taken 4 exams and I think that I’m only going to pass one of them. I have two exams next week and I feel so blue right now, I don’t know if I’m gonna make it through this week. Don’t let American pie lie to you, university isn’t a party.

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